I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
