She's JV to your varsity
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no you cant smoke seaweed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
