Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
