its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
