yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
