his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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