It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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