You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize