Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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