Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
