Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.

Fav 16 892 3669
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(757): View more from Virginia

Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

(201): View more from New Jersey

hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

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(404): View more from Georgia

He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.

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(519): View more from Ontario

There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.

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(940): View more from Texas

I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.

(1-940): View more from Texas

Why don't we hang out more often?

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o

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