idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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