Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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