I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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