Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
