I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
