Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just had sex on a roof
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
