Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
