That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
