I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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