Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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