i permit you to call me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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