I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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