I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
