You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my liver is dry heaving
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
