We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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