he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i need some magic done to my vagina
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
