I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize