I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
