He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
