My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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