just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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