why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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