there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
