Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
that is very illegal...i love you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
