did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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