Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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