my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
