Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
