There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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