So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
