i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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