tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize