I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
