normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize