Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
