i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
