have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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