Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
