It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
