When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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