Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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