she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I looked at my own cervix.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
