Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
