im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
