I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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