Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
