That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
