I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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