Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
