I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
