He kissed a someone with a penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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