just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
