My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
