So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
