i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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