I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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