apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
