I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
