I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All the doctor said was why
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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