why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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