I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
