You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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