She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
