i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
