When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
