I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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