We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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