My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize