I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
