he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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