The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
