im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
