I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
