I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All the doctor said was why
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
