The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
