He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize