He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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