i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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