i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
