Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
