true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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