I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
