i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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