I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
