The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
And then he peed in my hair
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