You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sober January is a disaster.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize