Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
