I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
