I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
