And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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