Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
