His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
