I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize