Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
