carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
