did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
