why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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