I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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